Thursday, December 26, 2013

I can't wait for 2013 to be over

I just want it be over. OVER and DONE. But I shall be having my last hurrah for 2013 in two days!! 


Thursday, December 5, 2013


It's 6:28 am and I have been sitting on the same spot for more than two hours at the waiting area of the airport. My mum sent some things through her friend who's spending the holidays in Pangasinan. Unfortunately, her flight is delayed. She was supposed to arrive at 3:40 am. Hence, the waiting and sitting and good thinking of me  of putting the Josh Hutcherson SNL episode and Downton Abbey episodes in the iPad. But I've only seen the SNL episode amidst the waiting. 

I look around and the arrival area is now filled with people, mostly family members of OFWs (Overseas Filipino Workers). This is one side of the airport arrival atmosphere that I adore. The other one is that the airport is some sort of a portal to me. 

My mum went to the UK in 2009 and ever since then, my sister and I have been going to the airport to meet her friends and get the things she sent through them or pick them up and drop them off to their destination. We did that for almost three years. I always felt melancholic whenever I meet her friends. I was hoping it is going to be her that we pick up from the airport.  I can feel her among them.Well, she always calls and talks to her friends after our introductions. Most of them, I haven't met (duh!) so I rely on pictures that my mum sent or just plain instinct if I can't remember their faces. 

Last year, my mum visited and I wasn't there to pick her at the airport. I was preparing for our exhibit. I was actually thinking of skipping our opening just to be able to pick her up myself. I've been seeing her friends arrive yet I wasn't able to "salubong" her. Nevertheless, it was nice seeing her the next day. 

Airports never fail to make me feel abandoned and melancholic. It's not the best of feeling yet it's something I look forward. 

It's 7:11am, still sitting on the same spot, watching people wave at their loved ones. It's 7:12am and I've got a ton of shit to do. 

Monday, December 2, 2013


Stop, stop and listen
Listen. Just listen and watch.
Just as I say stop.

A haiku submission for the subject Aesthetics. 

Thursday, November 28, 2013

Super Duper Tourista

Since yesterday, I've been browsing through my pictures folder. Somehow, I always end up feeling sad and always nostalgic especially when I look back at last year's major event, the United Kingdom trip. I saw that there are still a number of unpublished photos of mine  that I intend to keep from everyone's eyes. 

I like being behind the camera. I like to capture the place and people and things rather the other way around.  Most of my UK photos compose of places and animals and infrastructures and my mum and Dave. I remember I hated it when my mum asks me to pose. It would only result to petty arguments. I just didn't like it. Or it's too Filipino, the "kodakan" thing. (But wait, I am Filipino!) Or I was just too shy to pose while people pass me by. (But I am not a shy person!)

Anyway, here I am, posting all of my "tourista" photos and I can't help but say thank you to my mum for doing the job of taking photos of me with the every tourist-y backdrop imaginable. 

Bodiam Castle
Sheffield Park
St. Leonard's and Hastings

Basildon Park
River Thames Cruise

Westminster Cathedral
Shakespeare's humble abode

With Shakespeare in Stratford-Upon-Avon


Scottish Highlands

Edinburgh Castle



Land's End

St. Ives


Harry Potter Studio Tour

Harry Potter Studio Tour


Buckingham at Night

Picadilly Circus

London Eye

Sunday, November 10, 2013

An afternoon...

during the Fine Arts Week of PWU...... 

Noel Soler Cuizon, Brendale Tadeo, Egai Fernandez

Noel Soler Cuizon, Arvi Fetalvero, Karen Ocampo Flores, 
Brendale Tadeo, Egai Fernandez

Sunday, September 22, 2013

Twice is too much

It happened again. The second time.

I can't believe I fell for it again. I asked him why, it can't happen, the two of us. He didnt give me any answers. He just wants us to be friends first, for the second time. He is not ready for any "deep" friendship. He's fine tuning himself, fixing his issues. 

He's so selfish. And narcissistic. 

I was so ready to risk myself to a relationship even if it is so uncertain. I know I should never enter into realtionship that is so malabo but I should never turn down something beautiful. I weighed the risk that was him. For me, he was worth the risk. 
I was deceived. I was hurt. I am still hurt. 
Now, purging begins.

I would like to thank my bosses for being there for me for the past week. I love them for that.  

Saturday, August 17, 2013

My first

I just saw my first ever LIVE PBA game ever. And it was awesome! Thanks to my friend, Lanie, for giving me free tickets. 

After watching Petron team lose, we headed over to Dillingers to cap off the work week. 
I saw people I haven't seen for quite some time and some of them, it was my first time to talk to them even though I've met them before. 

Lanie, Peachy and I ended the night at Whistlestop. 

Day four: He starts to text and then He falls asleep. Repeat. I think that action of his is on loop. And then he messaged me on Facebook, sending a link about quarter-life crisis. 

Just please stop. 

Thursday, August 15, 2013

Close to relapsing

Day four: I couldn't help but think about you. I miss your random messages and how you still ask "how are you", your most hated question. 

I want to tell you that I do like you. Not just like, but like, like you. I don't know if you like me too. Like, like me too. I guess I'll never know. 

I need to flush you out of my system. I need to shift to another direction because I can't go on waiting for you. You might be waiting for someone, too. 

But I wish you'd tell me so that I won't look stupid, going along..

I have to fight.

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

It's starting


Day three: it was a cold, cold day even though it was sunny. 

Good thing, my sister and I watched Percy Jackson and walked around. I bought myself a lovely pair of dangling earrings. I am thinking of starting my dangling earrings collection. We'll see 

So last June, Arvi's cousins from Germany came here for a short vacation. Arvi asked me if I could accompany her and her cousins in Manila. I happily obliges. From Divisoria, to Binondo, to Quiapo then to Glorietta. Two days later, we went to URBN. And boy, I was so fucked up. Good thing my good friend, Cay, was in the area. She picked me up and brought me home.

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Shifting ver 2

Day two: I saw a break and took it. Now I feel disappointed. 

But yesterday, a friend of mine made my shifting bearable. Thank you, C! 

I'll update you bit by bit about what happened for the past two months.

My highschool kabarkada, Mads, finally gave birth to a healthy baby girl last 4th of July. Her name is Alexa Sabine and she's so precious. 

I cant wait to meet her!! 


I am shifting. Moving to a new direction. 

Day one: It's a bit hard, but I know I can do it. I NEED A DRINK. 

Updates about my June and July are on the works.

I end this post with this. 

Monday, June 10, 2013

On new places and taking a ton of photos

I just realized that taking photos is not so important when you're in a new place/country. You are so busy taking photos of buildings, objects, telephone booths, train stations, bus stops, stores, etc., that you forget to immerse yourself in that certain moment. 

I was going through my England/Scotland photos a while ago.  Some of it instantly brought me back to that place but others were so vague to that point that I was almost into tears. I couldn't remember what happened during that day or that hour. As a sentimental person, I wanted to punch myself for letting this happen. 

It's just pointless to take a hundred or a thousand photos and forgetting where you are, who you with, the color of the sky, the weather, the time. Those things are really the important ones you should remember. 

Photographs are just mere aides. Never again 

Sunday, April 7, 2013

Dear Vitzka

A lot has happened when you were 24. A mixture of bitterness, triumph, excitement, sadness, and disappointment have made up your 24th year on this earth. Nevertheless, it was probably your best year yet.

You've finally finished school! After many years of idling, procrastinating, whining, and fostering the aristocracy of the intellect, it rewarded you. Be proud! Your Lolo Neilo is.

You've gotten out of a relationship that brought out the good and bad in you. It could have been him whom you'll spend the rest of your with. Instead, you had the courage to let go of him in order to let all others in. I know you love him dearly and always will.

You've come to terms that you'll lose some friends but it just made you cherish and strengthen the ties you have with your awesome, open-minded, crazy and loving friends. They have put up with your mood swings, favors, "ka-artehan", and rants. And I know you're very much thankful for them.

You have the best, best mentors in the whole wide world! You are so lucky to be working with them.

No matter how dysfunctional your family is, you adore and love them with all your heart.

You are not a visual person.You like to feel, to touch, to stimulate some level of metaphysical connection. I know, you hold that quote from Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist so dearly. "They don't want to be married to you for a hundred years. They just want to hold your hands." Damn you Beatles!

Your first travel out of the country made a huge impact on you. Who would've thought that it was going to be in United Kingdom! It left a deep mark inside of you and even after leaving it, you were pining for it for months. The places you've visited and the people you've met made it harder for you to get over it. You will be back for sure. Just be patient. You'll see it again and experience warmth despite the cold.

You now actually know what to do with your life. Hold onto that and start making it happen. Now.

Volunteer, inspire, ask, obey, love, accept, listen. Listen again.

You have this mixed emotions about turning 25. Quarter life crisis, perhaps? But remember, 25 is just a number. You'll breeze through it just like 24. Give yourself a pat! And eat cake for breakfast. Happy Birthday Vitzka! 


Sunday, March 31, 2013

Birthday Wishlist

So it is almost April, my birthday month. Eeeeeek! But I tell you how I feel about turning a year older, here's my birthday wishlist :)

1. Have my cameras repaired so I can do this with my TLR 

2. "It was love at first sight"

3. Lotsa films!!

3. A turntable

4. A bicycle

5. A swatch watch

6. This one's impossible but nonetheless, a day at Tate Modern and National Gallery or a whole week in London would be really, really nice!


Friday, March 29, 2013

March Madness

So many things (i think) happened this month that I keep on forgetting (neglecting) to blog about it.

I finally started working as an executive assistant. I officially started during Art in the Park. Art in the Park was such a blast. It rained in the afternoon but the sky was clear as the sea. I wished I had lots of money to buy artworks. Buying artworks is such a huge investment especially when the artwork you bought is from an upcoming artist. Plus, Art in the Park participants sell artworks at a maximum of Php 30,000. Not bad, if you're able to buy works from Mark Justiniani, Marika Constantino and Iggy Rodriguez to name a few.

I met a guy during a job interview. Turned out, one of my bosses went to school with him. Old, right? He kept on texting me and calling me. I found out that he's married and even has two kids. Ano ako? No other woman?? But two of my highschool kabarkada told me to keep it going until I get something from him for the sheer fun and experience. Those two crazy girls!! But of course, I knew better. I stopped replying to his texts and then he stopped texting me.;)

Almost of my friends have jobs, my college friends! Pat on the back my friends!!!! Good job! Almost a year of being a bum but the wait is totally worth it. Especially for me, I turned down two job offers before I accepted this one.

I think I've completely gotten over the UK phase of withdrawals. I sometimes do wish I was still there but a visit there again can totally wait. I am ready to move on and give Manila what it truly deserves. 

And oh! I love being single! Sometimes, I do miss having someone to talk to or go out with but the freedom of doing anything you like without having to tell it to him, what a huge relief!! And I do get to hang out with my friends more often which I totally missed. When I get married, if I EVER get married, I am going to retain my maiden name! So anti-macho for my future husband, if ever there's one. But I mean why do women have to follow the norms? Don't let me get started!

Well, that's my March! Not really a madness. But better than February! So tomorrow, April, my birthday month! I am scared out of my wits! That is reserve for another post.

Monday, March 4, 2013

I got a job!

Last week was quite a whirlwind of events. Monday, I had job interview for the position of gallery assistant. Tuesday, I got a call from them that they are offering the job position. I readily accepted the offer via phone. Wednesday, I visited my teacher's studio. He had a surprise for me. They were offering me a job. Thursday, I turned down the offer of the first company. I texted my teacher after I turned down the offer that "I am in!!!!"

It boiled down to career and passion. I want to be part of the local art scene. I want to learn from people who inspire me and who will guide me to pursue what I want . The people I am going to work with are brutally honest, very smart, and very down to earth. I am actually afraid and excited to work with them. 

I'll be part of the curatorial team under four heavy names in the art industry. I will keep you posted guys! 


Saturday, February 16, 2013

If only.

It has been a while since we last talked to each other. I remember the night when you didn't want to talk to anymore because I said to you that I am pretty sure I am not gonna be able to visit this year. It broke my heart.

There are so many things I want to tell you. And so many things I need to ask you especially the part about your driving test. Did you pass or not?

I must say, I need to say that I think I fell in love with you. But how can this be after hanging out with you for
four days? If only we had time.

I've been secretly crying about how it ended (I think?) between us. I really wish I could still talk to you, message you on viber. If only you could open up to me and not shut me out of your life. Nobody said it was easy. I just wish, oh how wish...

I am trying hard not to chase you. So haaaard. But there is really something that draws me even closer to you. I know. I should already stop having delusions of you and me. I need to move on with my life like what you're doing now. There's a big part of me that wished that we didn't meet. Our lives will be easier. But not meeting you at all would not be my world without you in it.

Slowly but surely, I will let you go. I have to or else I'd drive myself to the edge. It was really nice knowing you.I loved every single second we spent talking, laughing, teasing, holding hands, staring, pushing, drunk texting, and dreaming.

I miss you terribly C.

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Passion vs. Experience

For those people who are close to me, they know that I've been eyeing to work in an art institution or in a gallery. I was interviewed last week by this big art institution and I couldn't believe my luck. But before that, I had a previous job interview with a portrait studio, my first ever job interview. 

The portrait studio asked me to try out for 3 days in one of their branches. I happily agreed since it was just a try out. I can still back out if I wanted to. I went to the first  two days of the try out. It was a happy environment, too happy I must say. But I like the employees! Crazy ones! But I guess my heart wasn't really there because  what I wanted to experience wasn't in that environment. 

On the third day, the operations manager will conduct a second interview that will determine if I'll go through the training. And that morning and the night before, I was so restless on what to do. I consulted seven people regarding my situation and received mixed responses.

I was ready to accept it but then my sister talked to me. She was really against it. So the feeling came back again to me. It was passion versus experience. Yes, if I accepted the job offer, I will gain experience especially it was photography. But my passion was art, art photography. 

In the end, I followed my heart on this one. I declined the offer. Not a day goes by that I don't regret my decision.

It took a lot of courage to do that, knowing that I could be earning now. My future is really uncertain. No call backs, no scheduled interview. But I am not giving up my dream, my passion. 

How about you? 

Friday, January 4, 2013