Saturday, February 16, 2013

If only.

It has been a while since we last talked to each other. I remember the night when you didn't want to talk to anymore because I said to you that I am pretty sure I am not gonna be able to visit this year. It broke my heart.

There are so many things I want to tell you. And so many things I need to ask you especially the part about your driving test. Did you pass or not?

I must say, I need to say that I think I fell in love with you. But how can this be after hanging out with you for
four days? If only we had time.

I've been secretly crying about how it ended (I think?) between us. I really wish I could still talk to you, message you on viber. If only you could open up to me and not shut me out of your life. Nobody said it was easy. I just wish, oh how wish...

I am trying hard not to chase you. So haaaard. But there is really something that draws me even closer to you. I know. I should already stop having delusions of you and me. I need to move on with my life like what you're doing now. There's a big part of me that wished that we didn't meet. Our lives will be easier. But not meeting you at all would not be my world without you in it.

Slowly but surely, I will let you go. I have to or else I'd drive myself to the edge. It was really nice knowing you.I loved every single second we spent talking, laughing, teasing, holding hands, staring, pushing, drunk texting, and dreaming.

I miss you terribly C.

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Passion vs. Experience

For those people who are close to me, they know that I've been eyeing to work in an art institution or in a gallery. I was interviewed last week by this big art institution and I couldn't believe my luck. But before that, I had a previous job interview with a portrait studio, my first ever job interview. 

The portrait studio asked me to try out for 3 days in one of their branches. I happily agreed since it was just a try out. I can still back out if I wanted to. I went to the first  two days of the try out. It was a happy environment, too happy I must say. But I like the employees! Crazy ones! But I guess my heart wasn't really there because  what I wanted to experience wasn't in that environment. 

On the third day, the operations manager will conduct a second interview that will determine if I'll go through the training. And that morning and the night before, I was so restless on what to do. I consulted seven people regarding my situation and received mixed responses.

I was ready to accept it but then my sister talked to me. She was really against it. So the feeling came back again to me. It was passion versus experience. Yes, if I accepted the job offer, I will gain experience especially it was photography. But my passion was art, art photography. 

In the end, I followed my heart on this one. I declined the offer. Not a day goes by that I don't regret my decision.

It took a lot of courage to do that, knowing that I could be earning now. My future is really uncertain. No call backs, no scheduled interview. But I am not giving up my dream, my passion. 

How about you?