Saturday, May 23, 2015

Where do I start again?

Where do I pick the pieces of lost time and love?

I wanted you but you made it clear that I had to be the one to be out of the equation.
You should've told in the early months of our so-called relationship in order not to expect anything from you, from this, from us. I was hoping. I was wishing. I wanted it to be you.
I wanted us to happen.   

I wanted to go out on a Saturday night, watch a movie, hold hands while walking. I wanted to  I wanted what other couples had. I wanted to tell the world, the universe, that I loved you. But I couldn't do that. 

I tried to understand where you were coming from. I tried not to get jealous. I tried not to think about it whenever we were together. But still, at the end of the day, we were never a thing. We were never a thing as you two were. I was out. No one knew me. 

I secretly loved every minute I spent with you. I loved how you would want to back slap me when I annoy you. I loved your spontaneity. I loved your goofy laugh and your hopeless hair. I loved your non-existent bigote. I loved that one time we had a discussion about career. I loved how you accompanied me through my coffee obsession. I loved how you had to try everything at least once. I loved your Gaultier glasses, not your Oakley. I loved how you would give your cheek to my subtle kisses. I loved your childhood stories - Aray ko mambo! I loved how we had names for kids: Tala and G Jr. 

Maybe in an alternate universe, a realm, I can boldly tell everyone that I love you. I can freely profess my love for you. I can tell everyone that you are MINE and mine alone.

I still have so many things I want to tell you but I guess, it is best to keep them unsaid.

Thank you for almost a year of bittersweet hours and minutes. 

I hope you are going to be happy. 

Be good, G.

I love you. 

Cubao X, 2014


Saturday, March 21, 2015

First of Sorts - My First Corporate Job

Since second half of 2014, I have been looking for a job. A corporate job to be exact. I was still doing freelance to at least help me get through the months, but I needed a more steady income. I wasn't getting any interviews. I did get some but there were no follow-ups. Yes, I did get discouraged but my friends kept on telling me that it wasn't the hiring season. I just kept on applying. 

To make matters worse, I was the talk of my family. They kept asking me why I still don't have a job. I DID have a job. I was a freelance artist. FREELANCE. They wanted a more stable job for me. 

Enter the 2nd day of 2015, I was online, logged in at a website, submitting my CV to every possible company. Lo and behold, I did get three interviews from three different companies in two weeks. The third interview, well, I did not waste any opportunity. I was offered a position.  I took it. 

On my very first day of work, I was immediately asked to design something. Right then and there, I was working. Sinabak ako agad!  Events, flyers, posters, FB covers, ticket designs, PR, meetings, FGDs.  Every thing was being thrown at me and I have been accepting it. 

There was no period of adjustment. As days go by, I learn the politics, the style, the profile, my teammates. Everything! Crazy! 

But boy, when I got my first salary, nothing beats that! I just have to level up, to ask for more, to exceed my expectation and theirs too.

So, I shall update, my non-existent readers. I missed this. Writing. I wish I could pour out everything here. I could if I have the courage to do so. But now, let me get my well-deserved sleep because tomorrow, it's a brand new day, full of possibilites, full of hope, and full of happiness.

Goodnight unto you all! 

p.s. I am beginning to get the hang of it, this corporate life. I think. :) 

Clear as a water

Where do you pick up the pieces after making that decision? A decision that has been long overdue. 

Maybe pick my camera again. That's a good start. or Maybe a Tanduay...

Tomorrow's a new day! 

Saturday, March 14, 2015

Hi

It has been quite a while since I last wrote something in this blog. Maybe I should do a makeover for this blog. So many things has happened since September. A lot of heartaches and yearning. Nevertheless, I know I'll be okay. :)

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

The Invitation

By Oriah 


It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it, or fade it, or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own; if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty even when it is not pretty every day. And if you can source your own life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand at the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, 'Yes.'

It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

Thursday, August 28, 2014

Hi, it has been a while.

hi, it has been a while

i want to share something

but i dont know if i can

maybe in october

I cant help but think and wish and hope

Yes HOPE

that unfailing HOPE

and then it crushes you

broken


Sunday, May 25, 2014

Kroooo kroooo krooooo

What to do?  What to do? 

I have to master each of them again. Touch them, feel them, give them my command. 

Priorities, Vitzka. Priorities. 

Tulog ko muna siguro ito.

Give me pain. Give me shit. Give me love? Anurao?

Exclusivity. Medyo nakakatakot. 

I need a long sleep. A dreamless sleep. 

Good night.