Where do I start again?

Where do I pick the pieces of lost time and love?

I wanted you but you made it clear that I had to be the one to be out of the equation.

You should've told in the early months of our so-called relationship in order not to expect anything from you, from this, from us. I was hoping. I was wishing. I wanted it to be you.

I wanted us to happen.   

I wanted to go out on a Saturday night, watch a movie, hold hands while walking. I wanted  what other couples had. I wanted to tell the world, the universe, that I loved you. But I couldn't do that. 

I tried to understand where you were coming from. I tried not to get jealous. I tried not to think about it whenever we were together. But still, at the end of the day, we were never a thing. We were never a thing as you two were. I was out. No one knew me. 

I secretly loved every minute I spent with you. I loved how you would want to back slap me when I annoy you. I loved your spontaneity. I loved your goofy laugh and your hopeless hair. I loved your non-existent bigote. I loved that one time we had a discussion about career. I loved how you accompanied me through my coffee obsession. I loved how you had to try everything at least once. I loved your Gaultier glasses, not your Oakley. I loved how you would give your cheek to my subtle kisses. I loved your childhood stories - Aray ko mambo! I loved how we had names for kids: Tala and G Jr. 

Maybe in an alternate universe, a realm, I can boldly tell everyone that I love you. I can freely profess my love for you. I can tell everyone that you are MINE and mine alone.

I still have so many things I want to tell you but I guess, it is best to keep them unsaid.

Thank you for almost a year of bittersweet hours and minutes. 

I hope you are going to be happy. 

Be good, G.

I love you. 

Cubao X, 2014